S3 E36: 5 Types of Support That Fuel Your Creative Work and Life
As ambitious creative people, we often try to hold ourselves to sky-high expectations and unrealistic standards, but there's nothing wrong with not being able to do everything on your own! Sometimes the most ambitious people are the most in need of help, but also the least likely to ask for it, so it's no surprise that many of us are burned out.
Tune in to hear about the many types of support that can replenish your energy and fuel your creativity, why we don't always ask for the support that we need, and some real life ways to seek it out. We often underestimate the amount of impact that just a little bit of support can have - you don't have to be afraid to seek out and ask for what you need!
RESOURCES DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Fuel Your Creative Work With Compassionate Productivity workbook
Sign up for the free Feel Good Creativity Unchallenge (5 days of super easy creativity + wellness prompts)
Self-compassion meditations + exercises from Dr. Kristin Neff
TRANSCRIPT
Hello, everyone, welcome to Episode 36 of Being A Whole Person. Before we get into the episode, I have a few announcements.
Number one, I'm doing another free coworking session this Thursday, May 20. And it's going to be two hours this time, from 9-11am Pacific. You can come and do your most important creative work that you keep putting off, or not making time for, or maybe some annoying admin stuff that just needs to get done. Last time, we had someone work on packing to move, which I might be doing too, since I'm moving soon. But in any case, whatever you show up to work on, you'll have the support of accountability of a little community around you.
We'll take a few minutes to breathe and focus and we'll set our intentions together, then we'll get to work. At the end of each hour, we also are having a mini party to celebrate what we've accomplished because we have to celebrate what we accomplish! We'll do a little toast with a beverage. I'll have some tea, bring whatever you want. And if you can't make it the whole time, totally fine. Show up as much as you can, or as little as you can. So if that sounds good to you, check out the link in the show notes for sure.
Next announcement, I'm still seeking your questions for an upcoming Q&A episode. So if there are things you're wondering about, anything having to do with creativity, wellness, productivity, anything that relates to the universe of things that I tend to talk about here, is all fair game. So let me know. hello@rebeccahass.com is my email. You can find that in the show notes too.
Lastly, my usual plug for rating and reviewing the show. It's the best way to help me out in spreading the message of self compassion in your creativity. The more people find out about the podcast, the more people are helped by this. So go write a review, help me out, help everybody out. It would be so appreciated, and it's a great free way to support the show.
So, let's get into today's topic. Today I'm going to be talking about support - the many types of support, why we don't always ask for the support that we need, and some real life ways to seek it out.
Many, many, many of the clients that I work with, and the artists and musicians that I know, and maybe you listening, are self-identifying as perfectionists, and prone to overworking. Me, too, this is part of the reason why I do this work, or the main impetus for it. And with that often comes wanting to do it all ourselves, even though “do it all”, when you have a creative career, means so many different things and wearing so many different hats. Maybe you also have trouble letting go of control around that stuff, and difficulty asking for help comes with the territory.
I know we've all had times when we've felt too overwhelmed to do the simple stuff like make dinner, or I don't know, brush your teeth at night - something that seems easy, but you're just spent, and you just don't have the juice for it. And then of course, tackling your unending list of tasks that have to do with your creative work, or your day job, or insert all the things here, it can get really overwhelming, but you don't have to do it alone.
There are so many ways to support yourself in your physical wellness, and your mental wellness, emotional, all the different types of wellness. So that you hopefully have more time, more energy for the stuff that's important to you - things that replenish your energy, things that matter most, like your creative practice and nourishing habits, relationships with important people in your life, all that good stuff.
Being and feeling supported, is absolutely not selfish. I'm just gonna say that right now. We all know the cliche about the oxygen mask, right? And it's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. When we are supported, we have the energy resources to pass on more support to other people. There's a ripple effect here, so it is definitely a noble goal to be supported in your own life.
The first thing I think of when I hear the word “support” is having other people you can lean on. Also, the phrase “support yourself” sometimes has financial connotations. But there are so many different ways to support yourself.
Usually the most accessible type comes from within, from the care that we give ourselves. Giving yourself the right kind of self care support has a simple formula. Number one, identify what you need. Number two, respond to and fulfill the need. But just because that's a simple formula does not mean that it's easy, of course. Self care is really personal, really variable, depending on your mood, depending on your needs, how tired you are, all the things, so it can really take some work to figure out. But a commitment to developing this practice of awareness will go a long way.
If you need an easy way to start doing this for yourself, my weekly and monthly check in worksheets are in my free resource library. So check those out, no pun intended. There's a link in the show notes for that.
I've talked about this on other episodes, and a lot in general, that the definition of self care is much broader than the pop culture instagrammable bath bomb facemask version. That stuff is great if it helps you. But of course, it's much more complex than just the stuff that looks good, or the stuff that you can just go buy and have a quick fix. For a bunch of easy ideas, I did a little challenge called Self Care September, back in 2019, which seems like a million years ago now. There's a daily prompt for 30 days, and most of them are free and pretty quick to do. There's a little calendar for that in the free resource library as well. If you're looking for some ideas, that's very helpful.
One of the things I teach my clients is to have a list of go-to self care actions for commonly occurring situations, like my current list of go-tos for when I feel anxious is: breathing and meditation, put on some relaxing essential oils, putting my hand on my heart, often combined with the breathing, CBD oil, more exercise and walking. So, when I feel that way, I don't have to really think hard about how I can support myself, I can just try one of those things that's already sort of a go-to.
I have a whole workshop all about this, it's called Build Your Seasonal Self Care Survival Kit. When this comes out in May, the spring one is already done, and I've taken down the recording, but the summer one is coming up pretty soon in June. So check out the link in the show notes to get on the list, so you know what's going on, and make sure you're in the know about the next one.
But even so, you can just make a list right now of things that sound good. You can make your own little menu, I have a little template for this on my Instagram too, if you want to look at my examples and make your own. Just because you make a menu for your self care right now, doesn't mean it can't change over time. It will evolve, and that's totally normal.
Building on this idea of self care, none of that is going to have a really positive effect if you're doing it from a place of lack and self criticism. So that's why I always talk about self compassion as one of my most important values, both in my personal life and in my work. Whatever you're doing, the best and most basic type of support is to be kind to yourself, no matter what.
If things have been hard, and you feel like you're falling short or not doing a good job, you can just say to yourself, “I'm having a tough time right now. It's been tough lately,” instead of beating yourself up about why you're not enough, why you're not creating enough, why you're not doing a better job, why you're not successful. You get the idea.
Our brains are so good at that kind of negative self talk, because they're trying to protect us. They're trying to show us where there might be risk involved and keep us safe. But a lot of this is not super productive and is not super helpful. So you can tell your brain to kindly pipe down. Make friends with yourself, even if it takes practice. And it will take practice, that's totally normal, too.
Remember that you're always doing your best under the circumstances, whatever they may be. Sometimes we think about our best as like the idealized 100% energy version of ourselves, and that version of you doesn't occur in real life all the time, or maybe not that often - that's also normal. I’ve found it really helpful to detach from reacting to my “success”, or lack thereof, with completing my to do list, and instead just trying to accept it as it is each day with the intention that I'll try again tomorrow. And using that information as evidence that maybe my expectations of what I could do in one day, were too high. Spoiler alert, they almost always are too high for me, and for many humans, most humans - I haven't taken a full survey, but I think it's most humans.
I have an e-book, called Fuel Your Creative Work With Compassionate Productivity that is a great resource for figuring out what should be on your schedule and your to do list each day that you can actually do and accomplish, and not feel bad about yourself. I have some methods for that, and some great journaling prompts in the book. Definitely check that out, if that seems like something you could use.
Another helpful resource for those of you who are new to this self compassion practice. I love Dr. Kristen Neff’s meditations and exercises, those are all free on her website. She really speaks in a way that sets a great example of how we can speak kindly to ourselves. And if that's not something you've done before, it can really help to have an example. Bonus, her voice is really soothing. And she's definitely someone that I would be glad to have speak kindly to me. So I'm glad that she has made those.
There are so many kinds of support that we can give ourselves. But sometimes that's not enough, and that's when we have to start looking outward for support. Sometimes what we need most is just a reminder that we are loved. This is no small thing, but it can get lost in the course of our busy lives. Sometimes we don't want to bug people, and some of us are introverts, and it takes more energy to reach out to people. But maybe you could just text a good friend, when you need a little pep talk. Most of us have at least one person in our life who is always happy to support us in this way, we just have to ask. That might be unfamiliar or uncomfortable, but try it, it'll get easier. You can always spend time with a furry friend, if you have one too. That is also very supportive, not in the verbal way, but still very significant.
Make a little time for seeing or talking to the people who matter most to you. If that's on FaceTime, cool, you know, coming out of a pandemic, we're very used to this virtual form of communication. But if you're able to see people in person again, awesome, that's gonna be really great too.
You could also try to have a container around this - there could be more structure like a weekly accountability call, or monthly, with a fellow creative buddy. There are probably a lot of possibilities for creating support from people who are already in your life, that could be more regular. You just have to kind of think about what it could look like, even if you're afraid that you'll be seen as a burden by asking for this stuff. I guarantee you that the people who matter the most want to help you because I know you’d do the same for them.
When you're particularly busy or overwhelmed, asking somebody to just do something for you, that's one of those extra errands or extra chores that can really take a load off and really help. Like, can your partner or your roommate take over something for the week, like dishes, if you're having a really busy week? You can reciprocate later when you have the chance.
Sometimes what we need to do is just ask the question, “What is not completely necessary for me to do all on my own right now?” There might be possibilities there that you haven't seen.
There are also so many opportunities to find support from your larger communities. Maybe it's a work community, a spiritual community, something related to one of your personal interests. I often forget how many people I'm actually connected to, especially having been at home for a year. There are various communities that I belong to online and in real life - I'm gonna say “real life” in quotes because online has been real life - but it might surprise you how willing people are to help and support you. Again, you don't know until you ask.
In 2018, I had “connect” as my word of the year. I didn't necessarily feel positive about networking at that time. I thought of it as kind of like a sleazy thing or, you know, all about business, or insert your own negative thoughts about networking here. But I reframed it then as just a way to connect with interesting people, because that's super fun, and that's something that, once you're curious about getting to know somebody, it just comes really naturally.
So I actually started to like networking, despite my introvert nature, and during that year, with a little bit of extra effort and intention from picking that word, there are several people who started as just acquaintances, and they became friends, and collaborators, and people who are still a big part of my life. It doesn't necessarily take a huge amount of effort. It just takes keeping on showing up, and sustained effort.
If you're feeling a lack in the community department, look online, look on sites like meetup.com, or Facebook groups, or whatever it is. Maybe you're already a part of some groups like that. You can use the accessibility of being online to reach out to that person and say, “Hey, can we have a coffee chat on Zoom? Or can we meet in real life?” Or, maybe you just send them a little note of appreciation, like, “I am really glad that you share this and this online, and you're really helping me.” You never know what might happen.
Then lastly, there's the realm of professional support. This could be health providers, like doctors, massage therapists, acupuncturists; could be mental health like therapists or psychiatrists; spiritual support, if you're affiliated with a certain spiritual practice; professionals who know how to do things that you don't, like your taxes, for instance, things that take you a long time, things you don't want to do; and coaches and mentors. Even coaches like myself need coaches. Every time I've worked with one, it's been so helpful to get that outside perspective, so invaluable, validating, motivating. Sometimes, we just need someone else to reflect what they see back to us.
If some of these types of support seem out of reach financially, maybe there are lower cost options, maybe you could barter with people. Google is your friend. Asking online to friends or in Facebook groups might yield some good recommendations. Again, if we're willing to get creative, we can make things happen.
The expectations that we put on ourselves can be so high, and that can really make it hard to ask for help if we think that we're expected to do it all on our own. That might be compounded by you being a self employed person, being someone who's used to doing a lot of things on your own, being of stoic, Midwestern upbringing. (Hello, that's me.)
There's nothing wrong with not being able to do everything on your own, because, actually, nobody can do everything on their own, even the most ambitious of us. So this is an unrealistic standard, and we don't have to try to hold ourselves to it. Sometimes the most ambitious people are the most in need of help, but also the least likely to ask for it. I resemble that remark, do you? So it's no surprise that many of us are burned out. We really often underestimate the amount of impact that just a little bit of support can have.
So I hope that this episode has given you the idea that you don't have to be afraid to seek out and ask for what you need. If you need help figuring out what type of support is the most helpful for you, and will help you have more energy for those important creative goals that you're moving towards, you can always sign up for a free discovery call with me, no pressure ever to sign up for anything. We can chat about it, we can figure it out together and figure out how to get you unstuck.
My coaching rates will be going up on June 1st, so now is a great time to start the process, if you've been thinking about it. Everybody that does a free discovery call with me, always leaves with at least one tip or resource, usually more, that they can start putting into practice right away, regardless of what happens after that. I love doing them, I love helping people have those little “aha” moments at the beginning of the journey. So if that's what you're in need of, I'd love to talk to you. There's a link in the show notes for that.
I hope this episode has been helpful. I'd also love to hear from you. What do you think of when you hear the word “support”? And what kind of support do you most need right now? What are you going to seek out? Let me know. You can always find me on Instagram or send me an email. I'm always happy to hear from you. So with that, I'll see you next week, and be kind to yourself!
Pianist and composer