S3 E8: 10 Compassionate Reframes for Limiting Beliefs About Productivity (Part 1)
Is your definition of “productivity” working for you? That word can be very loaded, and it has different meanings for all of us - what’s yours? If you’re stuck in a more conventional idea of what productivity means (like constant work and being rooted in "hustle culture") that isn’t working for you, I invite you to think about what it means for you now, and what you would like it to mean.
For those of you who tend to be hard on yourselves and have really high expectations for yourself and the amount you work, here are 5 common limiting beliefs that might come up around productivity, and a mantra for shifting your mindset away from each of those beliefs in a compassionate way!
RESOURCES DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:
Fuel Your Creative Work With Compassionate Productivity workbook
Blog post: Let’s Talk About Anxiety
Hurry Slowly podcast episode Who Are You Without the Doing?
My Instagram (tag me when you post about what compassionate productivity looks like for you!)
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Hello, everyone. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 8 of Being A Whole Person. As I said last week, it feels a little weird to talk about productivity when there are so many crazy things going on, especially for those of us on the west coast, worrying about air quality and fires and, you know, there's still a pandemic going on. But talking about compassionate productivity feels a lot better, because we still have to do things, despite all of that crazy stuff going on, and we really do need to be compassionate to ourselves while hard things are going on.
Or really all the time, but especially compassionate right now.
So you might have noticed over the last few months, my work has really become more focused on compassionate productivity. And if you're like, “What is that?”, if this is the first episode you're tuning into, I talk a lot more about the definition of it and a lot of tangible ways to put it in practice in the previous episode.
The basic definition is working in the way that's most effective for you personally, taking your energy cycles into account, and letting that adapt with your energy, and prioritizing feeling your best, not just getting the thing done, because feeling good and being productive, help each other. I know the word productivity can be really loaded. The traditional definition for a lot of people is rooted in hustle, working constantly, imagining that your self worth is attached to your work, and the inherent value of productivity.
But, as I'm sure you've experienced before, if what you're accomplishing isn't meaningful to you, or is depleting your energy so badly that you don't really feel like yourself anymore. That's definitely not productive, and it's definitely not kind to yourself. I know some people think of productivity and this hustle, typical “American Way”, like getting a lot of things done. But other people think about it in a more intentional way that feels more personal. And still other people
hate the word productivity because it brings up these negative associations with being micromanaged by a manager at work, factory work, things that just don't feel personal to you.
We all have our own definitions. And we all have our own opinions of it. But I think the thing to remember, for those of us who are creative people, which is probably everybody listening, our work is a place that we find purpose and meaning. So, being productive in that kind of work is the thing that makes us feel alive. It's the thing that makes us feel like our true selves.
So yes, you have to be productive, but then what does that mean to you? And it's this balance between structure and flexibility to make sure that your work is feeding you and not depleting you too much. Of course, with creative work, productivity is not linear. It's not like, check, finished that thing! You might be stuck brainstorming, you might be in this gathering ideas phase. And it's really not that easy to just check off the box, in which case, measuring your efforts is really important too, which I'll get into a little bit later.
When you're in this brainstorming phase, you really need more mental space, like, I get some of my best ideas when I'm on a walk, and I'm furiously typing into my Notes app on my phone.
Or when I'm in the shower, which, if you don't know, there are shower notepads, and they come with a little pencil. I don't know if it's a normal pencil or what, but it's a game changer for people who have ideas in the shower. You can just scribble everything down without thinking you have to run out of there to capture everything.
I don't know what your relationship is with productivity. Even if you feel like you have a pretty good relationship with it, you might find that some of these mindset shifts I'm going to talk about today might ring true for you consistently, or they might pop up occasionally. Or maybe you're in a place where you could really benefit from looking at productivity in a more compassionate way. It certainly did not occur to me to do that until after I was super burned out.
If you're stuck in one of these more conventional ideas, these hustle based ideas of productivity, and it's not working for you, I just invite you to think about, what does productivity mean for you right now? And what would you like it to mean? If there's a gap between those two things, how might you bridge that gap?
If productivity feels like it's only about making money, getting something done that you can cross off the list, or fulfilling obligations at the expense of your own goals, intentions and feelings, how can you move toward a new definition that helps you meet those goals and intentions and ultimately helps you feel like your best self?
Also, if making money and getting things done is your definition of productivity, and that's working for you. Awesome. no judgment. I'm just speaking from the experience that
that didn't feel like it was aligned with what I really wanted.
I posted some of these mindset shifts on Instagram in the spring, and they were really resonating with people then, so I thought I should do an episode compiling them all and expanding. There's some new ones too. It's gonna be a two part episode because I've got 10 different mindset shifts, and that's a lot for one episode.
So for each limiting belief I'll present, I'll have a reframe for you that you can use as a mantra. These are all in a PDF in my resource library as well. So if you want them all in one place, or you're driving right now, and you aren't able to write down the one that really sticks out for you, they're all there for you in a PDF, and you can go to the show notes for the link to that.
I just also want to say, as always, this is not a checklist. You don't have to do all of these. You don't have to work through them all systematically. I see you, my Type A friends! Only take action on what feels right and resonant to you right now. You'll know by how it feels in your body when you hear beliefs that are familiar, and how it feels to consider the reframe. I know sometimes I feel a really big change in my body, like I can suddenly take a deep breath after holding my breath for a while. So let's get into the first one.
Limiting belief number 1: Needing or wanting to rest instead of working or being productive means that I am lazy. You can reframe this by saying rest is actually a key part of my job and replenishes me. First I have to acknowledge Mara Glatzel, whose work has greatly changed the way that I think about rest, and how I have learned to treat myself over the last few years. I took her class on rest a few years ago, and it's kind of funny, because I was sinking deeply into burnout while taking this class on rest because I was just like, taking in information but not really doing anything about it. I talked about that in my blog posts on anxiety which I can put in the show notes.
But, her work has been so so helpful to me and continues to be just a breath of fresh air in the often overwhelming abyss of the internet, a link to her work, so that you can check it out too. For a long time, I really felt guilty anytime that I would rest, because it wasn't getting anything done, and maybe you can relate to that too.
It can be so harmful to believe that you're never allowed to rest, because, A, you feel bad about yourself, and B, you're working yourself towards burnout because you never get to replenish your energy.
Have you ever gotten less done than you hoped on a certain day and then been like, “Okay, I need to take a day off, because I know I need to take a day off,” but when you do, you feel so guilty about the undone work that you don't even feel replenished. That is a familiar tale for me. I look to my relaxation mentor in these moments, Rusty the cat. I’ll link to his Instagram if you need to look at a cute orange face. He really leads by example. Sometimes he physically gets in my way when I'm working and I'm like “Oh, okay, reminder, I see you would like me to rest.”
We have to remember that energy goes in cycles. And rest needs to replenish your energy so that you can go on and do good work. You also just get to rest because you're human, and we deserve to do that. But thinking in terms of productivity, rest is absolutely part of the cycle. Once you accept that you don't have unlimited energy - which is really hard to accept, you know, with that next cup of coffee or whatever - it really frees you from this struggle against your own nature against your own biology.
It's really frustrating, but the work will never completely get done. You're always going to find new things to do. So you have to set boundaries on your work time that allow for rest, because you're never going to get to the end of your list, and that's fine. Making space for this route is something we really focus on in my Creative Flow Intensive, and my clients have really been able to take some time and space to figure out, “Okay, how do I structure my life so that I make sure I always have this rest?” And how do I make sure that my energy cycles are actually cycles and not just one big push with no rest?
Like I was saying earlier, there's a lot going on in the world right now. You need more rest. When you are processing all of these events, even if they're not happening directly to you, like you're not sick with COVID, or the wildfire isn't in your backyard, you are still absorbing that energy. The stress of that is always kind of running in the background. So if you need more rest than normal, that's completely normal, and I hope you can give it to yourself.
I also really like the Nap Ministry, which is this great Instagram that, as you can imagine talks about naps and rest. They just made a great post on rest that I'm going to read to you. You are doing something when you're resting. While resting you are, one, allowing your brain to download new information, two, healing from trauma, three, disrupting toxic capitalism, four, honoring your body, five, participating in a spiritual practice. I will link to that post and to the nap ministry Instagram because it's consistently awesome.
Limiting belief number 2: I didn't get enough done today. And that means I'm doing a bad job or
that I am bad.
You can reframe this by saying, I did my best. I got as much done as I was able to and that's good enough for today. I can try again tomorrow.
This one is really tender, especially when it attaches to worth and you think, “I am bad. I'm doing a bad job.” It can be really ingrained. Especially in western countries where identity is so tied to our profession, it can be really tricky for those of us who do creative work. Like I was saying earlier, our work really matters to us because it's an extension of ourselves. It's how we express our identities and our purpose in our lives.
It's not that you equate some of your worth with your work, it's that you equate your entire worth with your work. Like, if you suddenly aren't able to work, such as during this pandemic, my musician friends, we've been very disrupted. Theater, so many arts professions - we’re not able to have events so we're not able to do our work in the same way. And does that mean that you are no longer a good and worthy person? Of course not. And you would never say that to anyone else, but maybe deep down, you kind of think that? I really hope that you don't, but
I'm familiar with this feeling coming up.
I really love the Hurry Slowly podcast, and Jocelyn K Glei did an episode called “Who are you without the doing?” which kind of examines what is your identity without what you do? What's your identity about who you are? I really recommend that episode.
I think also we just really have unrealistic expectations about what is possible to do in one day. The things you write on your list might have no relation to what you can actually get done. You get to decide what you believe is enough, which is tough, and has been an ongoing process for me. It's something I've always struggled with, because, it always feels like whatever it is, it isn't enough. You always hear those voices of comparison or just thinking, “There's so much more I want to do, so how can this be enough?”, but defining what is enough for today can be a really powerful practice.
Limiting Belief number 3: There's one right way of working that's most productive and we should stick to that. And the reframe is: I can work in the way that is best for me, my energy level and my needs. That may change from day to day, or even from hour to hour, but I can adapt as I need to.
Each of us is a different person with different needs, and even your individual preferred way of working might change over time or from day to day, because your needs change and shift. I know mine feel like they're changing and shifting so quickly and drastically throughout the course of one day. And I might not like that sometimes, but I can adapt with it.
We have a lot of assumptions sometimes about what it means to be productive, or how it should look. When we're thinking about other people kind of looking in on us, it's hard to question those assumptions, though, if you're not conscious that you're making them. So just the fact that you notice you have some “shoulds” is the first step.
I know when I first started working for myself, I felt like I had to stick to a nine to five schedule, or make sure I was working 40 hours a week to prove that I was doing something. That didn't really serve me very well. It didn't mean that I was doing good work just because I felt like I had to be chained to my desk or the piano bench for that many hours. Clients often come to me feeling like there's a lot they're not allowed to do, like, they're not allowed to waste time. They're not allowed to do something fun if it doesn't fit the conventional definition of getting something done.
I think the answer to that is simple to say, but not easy to do - really defining what you want to accomplish. That takes some more complex thought than just like, “Okay, I need to stay busy, I need to stay working.”
Then asking yourself, when do you work the best? When do you have the best energy usually? Maybe you work best in the morning, taking the afternoon off, and then returning to work more in the evening. I found myself doing that a lot lately, and it's worked pretty well. Maybe you work better with more frequent breaks. Maybe that works well on Tuesday, and not on Friday. Just kind of noticing how this stuff happens. It can be really helpful.
Don't be afraid to experiment with the structure and the environment of your work day, if you're able to do that. It might be a welcome change, and you might find some new habits that really work for you. It's always good to have more tools in your toolbox, so to speak. That's what helps you adapt, is knowing that you have other tools to turn to. That's exactly why I wrote my e-book, Fuel Your Creative Work With Compassionate Productivity.
I show you my method in there of creating my to do list and schedule, but also how to adapt, because I'm not saying, “You have to use my method. That's the best method.” It's about how to use that to adapt from day to day and not expect too much of yourself, to make sure you have space and time for what's most important for you, and letting your schedule reflect those priorities. There's lots of good reflection prompts in there too, so that you can see how you're working now, help you work through when you get stuck, and keep improving on stuff.
A quick plug for the book: in September, I have a cool bonus going on. If you buy a copy in September, you also get a week of Q&A support via email and Loom videos, so you email me your questions, and then I send you a personalized video responding to it. That way, if you're getting stuck on any of this stuff, if you're like, “I'm reading the book, I'm trying this stuff, and I'm still getting stuck,” I'll be there to help you. So I put a link in the show notes to that, too.
Moving on to limiting belief number 4: I never get enough done and I'm always behind.
That one is very familiar to me.
The reframe for that is: Everything that needs to get done will get done, and whatever is happening is actually the right timing.
I know I've said that to myself, and felt like I was lying. If that happens to you, that's okay, too. But I think it's important to give ourselves the message that we are not behind. We're not in a war, where we're losing against time. It's so easy to get stuck in that scarcity mindset, like there's never enough time. There is how much time there is. Time keeps passing, time keeps moving forward no matter what we think about it, which can be frustrating, but it can also be kind of freeing to think about it like that. There's nothing we can do about it - time’s just moving on, and we're going to do our best within that.
Have you ever been like, “Oh my god, it's already 3pm and I was supposed to have these three things done. I'm not even done with the first one yet.” That's a familiar story for me. Then you get into this downward spiral. You start panicking, you might get on Facebook or Instagram because you're like, “I just can't deal with this. I need to procrastinate because I need to get my mind off this panic.” And that really just makes it worse because you're not doing the thing or getting closer to finishing it. It's a spiral. It's not fun.
But if you can kind of just notice when that's happening, and say, “Okay, this feeling that I'm behind, it's just that - it's a feeling, and the reason I feel that I'm behind might be because I have too high of expectations for what I can do in one day, or one afternoon.”
So, if you adjust those expectations, so that you only have that one thing on your list, which can be really hard to do, too, but it's okay, you can do it. If you only have that one thing on your list, and then you actually finish it. Then you say, “Wow, cool, my list is done for today.” That feels so much better than having more things on your list, and you actually got the same amount done, but you feel better about yourself.
It sounds like a weird trick, but really, it's our job to create those expectations and we can choose to change them. We might just have to do less right now. I'm having a hard time accepting that myself, but it's kind of an exercise in patience lately, everything seems to be taking longer than I want it to. I'm trying to see it as a practice that I can improve at, a practice that will make me more nurturing to myself. I’ll report back on that, not sure where I'm at right now.
Then also, if this kind of behind feeling stems from comparison, like, what you perceive others are doing with their time, don't worry about what other people are doing with their time, because what you're seeing might not even reflect their reality. If you're thinking about people you see on social media, where they appear to be might not be where they are. Your job is just to accept what you can do - accept where you are in your life right now. The more okay you can be with that, the less that you will feel like time is your enemy.
Limiting belief number 5: I have to be productive in order to deserve to feel good.
You can reframe that with: I deserve to feel good regardless of how much I get done, and feeling good will actually help me get more done.
This one was a real game changer for me, especially a few years ago when I was just obsessed with productivity. I would feel like the rule for my life was like no fun ever because I had to just keep going through my list. And yeah, I did have a lot to do, but realizing that that was a choice, and that whether I got to feel good while doing my work was also a choice. Huge game changer.
We don't often say that literal sentence: I have to be productive in order to deserve to feel good, but you might have that underlying belief when you're delaying gratification, maybe to an unreasonable degree, like, “I can't do this fun thing until I get this big task done.” You can set up rewards for things that you want to get done, and that might be a great strategy.
But I'm talking about when you have this long project, and it's taking you days or weeks to finish, and you're like, “Well, I can't do the fun thing until after I finish the big project.” It's really just like being a cruel boss to yourself, and maybe that fun thing would help you feel good while doing the big thing.
First of all, you just inherently deserve to feel good. I know those of us who have a Catholic upbringing - I'm not knocking on Catholics, if being Catholic works for you, awesome - but I know for me, having that upbringing kind of made me veer away from pleasure as its own goal. It didn't really help me realize that feeling good for the sake of feeling good is okay, and a worthy goal.
This one is also related to creating that link between your work and your entire worth. There are so many shoulds that we have sometimes about what you're allowed to do and what you're not allowed to do. Sometimes, you might sit at your desk, and you have to pee, and you're not getting up to take a break, just to pee. It's like, wow, that's such a basic bodily need, but like how many of us have just sat there, finished that one more thing, and we don't even get the glass of water or that snack that we need.
You don't have to relegate rest to being a reward for the work you accomplish, either. It can be, but if that's the only way that you're treating rest, that can be really harmful, because, what if the expectations you're putting on yourself to accomplish that work exceed your capacity for doing it? Then your work is not going to be as good, and it's going to take longer, and you're just going to slog through it and be miserable.
Yesterday, I almost did that to myself. I almost forced myself to push through and edit my draft of my notes for this podcast, or my outline. I was sitting on the couch, I printed it out to get away from my computer, which is a good move. I was sitting on my couch with the clipboard and the printed out pages and my pen, to make little notes. I kept closing my eyes while sitting up. At first, I was trying to just force myself to get through it because I was like, “Why? I just want to get done sooner.” But then I said, “No, this is crazy. If my eyes are closing, that means I need to try to take a nap.” I'm not super good at napping, usually, but I am good at taking a lie down break.
But this time, I actually took a little nap, just a little power nap. Tt made so much difference in how I felt, I could actually think clearly afterwards. It was exactly what I needed, and I gave it to myself. We can do that. We can absolutely do that. We can treat ourselves in a way that is kind instead of being this harsh, restrictive taskmaster kind of person.
So I'm gonna leave it at that for today. But stay tuned, next week, I'll have five more beliefs and five more mantras. Or if you just want the straight up, here's the belief, here's the mantra, without explanation, the PDF is already in my resource library.
So you can grab that but definitely listen to next week so you can hear more about these and what you can do about it. Until then, I hope you have a wonderful week and take care of yourself.
Pianist and composer