Creative Coaching for Musicians

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S3 E46: Why We Need Gentle Accountability

Rebecca Hass

Accountability is a common struggle for artists trying to do the work that really matters, because often we have to work alone, and it is not always easy to be self directed or compassionate in our productivity. If you struggle with this, you’re definitely not alone, and it's okay to use the tools that you need to make things happen, even if from external sources.

In this episode I share what accountability means to me, how I’ve found ways to create my own gentle accountability through coworking, and how you can strengthen your ability to follow through on your most important creative goals.

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Hello, everyone, welcome to Episode 46 of Being A Whole Person! 

Can anyone explain to me how it's September already, because I don't understand. Time doesn't make any sense. But I hope the start of fall or the ceremonial start of fall is going well for you so far. 

Before I get into the episode, I have a couple exciting things to tell you about. Actually, I’m going to tell you one now and one at the end. There is now a new way to support this podcast on the site called Buy Me A Coffee, which is just like Patreon, but a different alternative. You have the option of either buying me a coffee, or I've changed it to say “tea” because I don't drink coffee. Or, you can sign up for a membership. $5 a month gets you weekly self care check-in emails - every Friday, I'll be in your inbox with a little encouragement, and a chance for you to check in with yourself to see how things are going, and possibly make changes for the next week. I find this process super helpful. I do a check-in with myself every week. 

So if you're a fan of the show, thank you! Thank you for listening, if this is your first time, also thank you for listening, and the link for Buy Me A Coffee will be in the show notes for you to check out. Also, rating and reviewing podcasts, always an amazing and free way to support. It really does make a difference in helping this podcast get found, and that way, we get to spread the message to other people that we don't have to burn ourselves out in order to be awesome and accomplished ambitious, creative people. So thanks in advance if you do either of those things. 

Today's topic is accountability, and in keeping with my theme of compassionate productivity, I'm going to talk about how accountability sometimes looks, and how I want it to look. Maybe you agree with me that it doesn't have to be harsh. So, the word accountability, if I think about where I've heard it throughout my life, it's kind of like a corporate-speak, corporate buzzword sometimes, that doesn't always mean very much. Or it's used in a way that you don't really understand what it actually looks like in real life to be accountable. Or it might have connotations of heavy amounts of responsibility weighing on you. 

That's kind of the negative side that I think of. Maybe you have your own ideas about it too. But I also hear this word come up all the time, from people I work with, whether that's in coaching calls or coworking sessions, I always ask some initial intake questions about what people are looking to get out of working together and what their goals are. That word “accountability” comes up all the time. 

It's a common struggle for us who are artists and creative people, trying to get stuff done, trying to do the work that really matters to us, because often we have to work alone, and that involves being your own boss in some scenario, even if you're not looking to make money from your art. It's a self directed practice, and it is not always easy to be self directed. 

You have to decide what you need to do. You have to decide what you want to do. First, you have to decide when you need to do it, when you have time to do it. Then you actually have to do it and finish and follow through. That can be a lot, especially when you're on your own. Have you ever had this happen, where your whole day is open and you're like, “Cool, I have the whole day to work on this project. This is awesome.” Then you have a little resistance, like you don't know what to do first, or you just feel like you can't do this. Or maybe that dopamine burst of opening Instagram just won over sitting down to play an instrument or draw or paint or write or whatever your thing is.

Then you create a bunch of reasons to take breaks: “Maybe I'll just clean the kitchen for a little bit. Yeah, I definitely need to clean the kitchen.” Or, “I need to look at my email because that's urgent and other people are depending on me for something,” or, fill in the blank with, “I'll start that right after I…” There are so many things you could fill in the blank with. Then it's 4pm, 5pm, and you haven't even started yet, so you might feel awful. And you might just quit for the day, then you hope that the next day will be better. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's a cycle. 

Are you familiar with that? That used to happen to me all the time, when I first started working for myself, which has been over a decade at this point, and you know what? Productivity and being kind to yourself in the process is always a practice, even when you've worked on this stuff for a while. That's okay, sometimes it's not going to be easy. I think I have to do another episode about the resistance that comes up when we're trying to do our creative practice that needs its own episode. So that'll be coming soon, sometime. 

Accountability can look like us being punished by someone, bad things happening if we don't fulfill our responsibilities, subtly beating ourselves up, or maybe not subtly. There are a lot of forms of accountability that reinforce toxic productivity, and that utilize our self hatred in order to help us get things done. That might work in the short term - fear and all those negative emotions can be very effective. But in the long run, it really is not going to work for you, and it's not going to make you happy. If you need more tips for practicing compassionate productivity, that allows you to be kind to yourself while getting things done and allowing for your varying energy levels and varying needs. I have a few episodes about this earlier in season three, I'm not remembering the numbers right now, but I'll put those in the show notes for sure.

There's no reason to get down on yourself or feel shame about needing accountability. We all need accountability sometimes, even if you think you shouldn't need it from an external source. Gretchen Rubin, the author, talks about this with her four tendencies framework. This could be a whole episode too, but I'll just briefly outline it in case you're not familiar. 

It's about how you respond to internal or external expectations. So the four types are Upholders, who meet both internal and external expectations. Then you've got Questioners, who meet their internal expectations, but question the outer ones. Then you have Rebels who resist both, and Obligers are very apt to meet the external expectations, but not the internal ones. In Gretchen Rubin’s research, she's found that the majority of people are Obligers, something like 41% of the population. 

So if that's you, you're in really good company. It's okay to just use the tools that you need to make things happen, even if you feel a little bit silly seeking out accountability from external sources. It's always okay to need help, it's always okay to need support. I personally am an Obliger, or maybe a recovering one. I think I've strengthened my ability to follow through on things, even from an internal perspective. 

A lot of dealing with that is just finding ways to create my own gentle accountability, and one of my favorite ways to do that is coworking. It could take on many forms, or meeting a friend at a coffee shop, telling a friend you're going to do a certain thing by a certain date and asking if they'll text you. Attending virtual coworking is something that I really like doing, and over the last several months, I've been facilitating coworking, and it's been so awesome. 

It's so great to have a crowd of people, a small crowd, to show up with you, and to have a common goal. It can be so much easier when you know someone is there doing it with you. You're part of a collective experience. You're part of something a little bit bigger than just you sitting at your desk alone. You're showing up for other people, too, which is exactly that - showing up for external expectations instead of internal ones, but you can kind of make them work together when you're working on your own internal things with other people. Usually that's at a dedicated time. 

Scheduling something naturally helps you prioritize it, but it also kind of creates this safe space. If you're having anxiety about when you're going to do something, you're feeling scattered. It creates a safe space for focusing on the project, because that chunk of time, you have deemed is only for this creative project. It doesn't have to be touched by email or anything else. The more we have ritual, the better we're able to build habits.

I know, also, in the neurodivergent and ADHD communities, it's really helpful to have that collective support. They use the term “body doubling”, because someone is mirroring what you're doing. So when you show up with other people to work, and you say what you're going to do at the beginning, it creates this accountability, but it's accountability to a group of people who are there with you, and they're there to encourage you. That is so cool, because you're inspired to focus more. You get that momentum when you check something off, and maybe start to notice that you're making tangible process, progress. Making progress is also a process. 

So if you're looking for the same kind of support, I'm super excited to tell you that I'm about to launch a coworking club of weekly coworking sessions. That's going to start up on September 21. We'll have weekly 90-minute sessions and the late afternoon in Pacific time, which will be later evening for those of you in more eastern time zones in the US, or North America, I should say. You get to show up with a really supportive group of people. also working on creative stuff, who are going to help encourage you. You'll also have access to my resource library full of helpful worksheets, printables, that kind of stuff, to support you in your productivity and creative journey, and wellness journey, all the things. 

If you're curious, here's a little bit more about the format, we take a few minutes to just kind of say hi and settle in, then we do a quick five deep breaths, and grounding exercise to really be present in the moment and hone your focus, no matter what craziness might have occurred in your day before that. Then we work until the halfway point, 45 minutes in, and take a little break, and then we come back, work for another 40 minutes or so. At the end, we have a mini party and we have a toast with whatever beverage you have. 

It's been so fun facilitating these sessions over the last several months - every single person who has attended has gotten more done than they even expected to and is thrilled at the end because they just showed up and cranked it out. It's such a good feeling. I really love it. And if you're into it, I hope you'll join us. So again, we're starting on September 21. There'll be a couple fun special events coming up in the next week or so - make sure that you get on my email list so that you don't miss anything. 

I'll also be doing free coworking sessions once a month still, so if you're not sure about it, you can come and try it out and see how you like it. Sign up for the free sessions at the very same link. 

So what does accountability look like for you, or what does it mean to you? I'm super curious. You can always drop me a note: hello@rebeccahass.com and let me know, or find me on Instagram. I love talking about this stuff. And I love hearing about what you're up to. So always feel free to reach out. I hope you all have a fabulous week, and I will see you next time.