S3 E50: Working Through the Resistance to Finish Creative Projects
I answer a listener's question about why panic, stress, and self-hatred can crop up just as you’re right before the deadline trying to finish a creative project - a familiar scenario for many of us. I give my best tips for understanding why this happens (it’s not because there’s something wrong with you!) and how to work through it with self-compassion.
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TRANSCRIPT
Hello, everyone, welcome to Episode 50 of Being A Whole Person.
I can't believe that there have been 50 episodes in season 3, which is the time when I pivoted this podcast and started doing it on my own. It feels like it's been so long, but it's also gone so quickly. You know, that whole time paradox thing.
So if you've been here that whole time, thank you! If this is your first episode that you're listening to, also thank you! I'm so honored that you choose to spend your limited time and attention listening to this podcast.
Today I'm going to answer a listener question about that resistance that comes up right before you finish a project. But first, I have two announcements.
Number 1, to celebrate 50 episodes of the podcast, very soon I'm going to be offering a special bundle, which includes a copy of my e-book, Fuel Your Creative Work With Compassionate Productivity, and also a 45 minute one on one coaching appointment to actually put the stuff into action. You and I can go through the stuff that's in the book, figure out if your schedule is working for you, figure out where it's not, and actually put some of this stuff into practice, so that you can prioritize your stuff better, and actually do the things that matter to you. And you also get a free month of Compassionate Creativity Coworking Club membership, so that you have the time to put that into action, or, the dedicated time, I should say.
This is not available quite yet. I'll have full details for you next week, but I just wanted to let you know. There's going to be a limited number over a limited time period, just to make sure I don't get overloaded. So make sure that you get on my email list if you want to know right away, because that's where I'll be announcing it first.
Number 2, if you've been enjoying the podcast, you should know that I have a Buy Me A Coffee site, which is just like Patreon, if you're not familiar. There you can support at, there's just one level, $5 a month, and you'll get some weekly self care check-ins from me every week in email, which will help you check in with yourself, just have a moment to make sure that you're doing what you need to do to care for yourself.
If you don't want to commit to a monthly thing, I totally get that. There's also an option there to buy me a coffee, theoretically, or a tea, actually, because I don't drink coffee. But that's a great way to support the podcast if you've been enjoying it, and every little bit helps so much because I do this on my own, and your support helps make it sustainable.
You can also support in a totally free way by writing a review on iTunes, or whatever platform you happen to be on that has reviews. All of that is so, so helpful and helps me grow the show, helps me spread this message that we can take care of ourselves, that we can have more energy for creativity. Then the world gets more of that - win-win-win. So thanks in advance if you do that.
Okay, so let's get into today's topic. So this is an amazing question. I was going to do a full, multiple q&a episode, but honestly, this is such a good question that I think it can have its own episode. I'm always taking your questions. If you have something you want me to talk about, let me know. You can always email me at hello@rebeccahass.com or find me on Instagram. All that stuff is in the show notes.
This question is from Amy: “I've noticed I get to a place with a project where it's almost done, almost ready to show to the world, or as close as it'll ever be, at the last 5% of tweaking it. Or at the last 5% of the time until the deadline I begin hating the project, and then that sort of turns into panic about how even though it's almost finished, it will never live up to my or others’ expectations for it, or how the whole thing was a giant waste of [insert timeframe here] or something similar? I think it's because I perceive grinding and hustling as valuable and ease and peace and letting go as not valuable but I'm not sure. Anyway, I guess my question is, WTF, or in gentler terms, what gives?”
This is such a good question. Thank you, Amy, for sending this in. First of all, I have tons of compassion for you in this. This is definitely a familiar thing for me, and, I bet, a lot of other people listening have had this happen, the freakout at the end of the project. I think it's really helpful that you have identified this as a familiar cycle, a familiar set of feelings, something that's happening to you, because if you don't know what's happening, there's no way that you can figure it out and get to the source. So congrats on the first step of that awareness.
I know that those hatred and panic feelings are really big, and kind of scary. But can you dig underneath them a little bit, and see what feelings might be underneath? It might be helpful to name that you're feeling tender, or you're feeling vulnerable, or you're feeling scared. You might be gravitating toward the hatred and panic feelings, just because they're familiar. That might make them more comfortable. Even though I know they're not actually comfortable.
There's something about your brain liking familiar things. Brains are smart, but brains are also not that smart. Your brain is always trying to keep you safe, and it doesn't necessarily know how to distinguish between the threat of you getting some kind of negative feedback on a creative project or whatever you're fearing about it, and the tiger that is about to eat you in, you know, prehistoric times, or whatever. Or maybe now - I hope there are no tigers chasing you, in any case - but your brain is trying its best to keep you safe. It doesn't know that you're not physically at risk from putting this project into the world.
Sometimes that's just a good realization: “Okay, thanks, Brain, for trying to keep me safe. Cool.” You can tell it to please kindly step into the backseat, but it is not allowed to drive the car. That's something I got from Elizabeth Gilbert, probably on her Magic Lessons podcast, which is awesome. I really like that metaphor, and it really definitely helps me.
I also noticed that you said, “...because I perceive grinding and hustling as valuable, and ease and peace and letting go is not valuable.” That's also great information that you've realized about yourself. There are so many messages that are reinforcing that, and, you know, we're working on dismantling those day by day.
I did some episodes about compassionate productivity, and what that means, and how you can reframe some of these beliefs about hustle culture. Those are early in season three. I'll put those links in the show notes, because I can't remember the number off the top of my head at this moment. I'll get back to some more tactical advice about that in a second.
I'm also wondering if you feel better after the deadline, like once you finish the project, if you're feeling suddenly changed, like if you get that sudden relief, or if you don't get a sudden relief, do you feel better about it once you've gotten some space from it? Because I know a lot of that self hatred that comes at the end of a project can also be wrapped up with procrastination, which then is sometimes this awful vicious cycle of, “Okay, I'm not working on this because it's scary, and because I'm not working on it, I'm also a terrible person. And I'm probably a terrible person, because this project is no good.” It can be a really painful cycle.
Identifying if the hatred of the project is kind of a self protection mechanism that's trying to buffer you from the possible results of whatever you're fearing about the project - is there maybe also some fear of success in there? Like, if you are putting this project out into the world, there's probably some responsibility that comes with that, either by continuing to promote it, or if you're a musician, continuing to perform it, basically, just standing by your work as it's out in the world.
So that can be a form of protection that you might be doing, too, even though, “Success, yay,” that's usually something that we're really excited about. It can also have some fearful elements, too, and I think it's important to name that. Sometimes, wrapped up in that procrastination also is perfectionism, and that can make the last 5% so so painful, because you're fretting about every little detail, whether it's necessary or not.
If that's happening, I think it's really helpful to set a time limit. Maybe you already kind of have a time limit, because there's a deadline coming, but maybe you set a time limit, even within that, that you maybe want to stay up all night working on it, but you're not going to. You're going to stop at 9pm, or whatever it is, or before dinner. You can kind of set a loving boundary with yourself that you're like, “Okay, this is it, it's gonna be good enough at this time, and I'm going to accept that, and I'm going to live with it.”
I also think it's really helpful to think about each project in our lives as this iterative process of our own creativity. The first time you do something is going to be, probably, the worst. I don't mean that in a put-down kind of way, I just mean that the more you do something, the more you're going to improve at it. So maybe the first time is the worst, but that's okay, because you're going to do another one, and you're going to do another one. You're going to keep learning from the process, and you're going to keep improving your skills, whatever they may be.
I find that kind of a freeing concept to know, “Okay, well, if this one doesn't live up to my expectations, I can do it again. I'm gonna do my best to make it live up to my expectations, but if it doesn't, it's not the last thing I'm ever going to do.” Sometimes when that deadline comes up, it's actually really freeing, because you're like, “Okay, now I have to be finished.” You know, if it's really torturing you, then that's it, you're just done.
I think it's really helpful to have a set of responses for yourself to talk yourself down in these moments, and counteract these feelings when they come up. I say “counteract”, because they're uncomfortable feelings, and you probably want them to go away. But I also want to say that it's okay if these feelings come up, even if they're uncomfortable. And that if you look them right in the face, their metaphorical face, and you say, “You're here, I see you, acknowledged.”
That can really take some of the punch out of it if you say, “Hey, brain, I see you, you're trying to do that protecting thing again. Thanks a lot, but actually, I'm going to choose to think about this in a different way. I don't want to feel fearful and panicky, I want to feel excited about this project.” Or “I want to feel calm and peaceful as I finish this project.”
Whatever it is, name the feeling that you want to have. That doesn't mean that you're going to name the feeling and, ding, there it is. I'm not ascribing all power to mindset. Mindset is great. Mindset is important, and we can use these tools, but I just think it's so important to say, just because we're striving for a certain feeling, doesn't mean we even have to have it. Or it has to be another thing that we have to succeed at. I don't want it to be something where you're like, “Well, I want to feel peaceful, and I didn't, and now I feel even worse about myself.”
Just planting the seed of the feeling that you'd rather have. Even if you're not fully convinced that you can feel that way, that's okay. It's still good to remind yourself. It's still good to move in that direction, even if very slowly. Even an inchworm is going to make it across the room, eventually, if it keeps inching, right?
Then, going back into some of those thoughts that you're having, like, this was a huge waste of a month, or whatever amount of time. There are probably a lot of good reasons why it wasn't a waste of time, things that you learned, possibly relationships that you strengthened, if you're working with other people. I bet there are a lot of reasons why it wasn't a waste of time, that are really hard to see in that moment. If you can't see them until a week later, a month later, that's okay, that's totally normal.
If you're in the moment and you're like, “I just cannot see out of this panic,” set a little reminder for a month from now to check in with yourself about it. I think you might find some more positivity around it, once you're out of that kind of acute hatred and panic state.
Going back to your comment about ease and peace and letting go not being valuable, ask yourself how they are valuable. Ask yourself what that would do for you in your day to day life. how you would feel differently, how you would move through your mundane activities of the day, how you would move through your work. If those things were more valuable, what does that do for you in a big picture sense? And maybe what does that allow you to do, as far as your creative goals and things that you want to do in the future? The more that you can strengthen that sense of “why”, the better.
Feel free to enlist family and friends, if necessary, you can have a buddy that is your panic buddy that you can send a little text to, when you're like, “Oh, I am in it with this project, and I need you to help talk me down.” That's totally okay. We can look for support from people. In those moments of overwhelm, sometimes it feels like we can't, but it's just a little reminder that maybe that'd be a helpful thing to do, too.
That friendly support can also come from yourself. It helps to think about how you can be your own friend through the process. Every time I say Be your own friend, I always think of Barf, John Candy's character in Spaceballs, who is a Mog, he's half man, half dog, so he's his own best friend. If that's what you're thinking, too, we're on the same wavelength, but I digress.
Basically, how can you make your own life easier, your daily life, things like food, maybe you eat out a little bit more, or you cook ahead. Maybe you plan a few less commitments while your deadline is coming up. Anything that you can do to just be a little kinder and make life a little bit easier when you're going through a time like this can be super, super helpful.
So, I hope that helps, Amy, and I hope that helps anyone else who's listening to this, and sees themselves in this situation, which I'm guessing is a lot of you, because this is a very common scenario to be panicking at the end of a project.
If you want support in the form of a coach who can help you through all the phases of your creative project, all of that mental stuff that comes up, and to help you cultivate kindness, as you're going through it, I'd be honored to help you with that. You can always book a free discovery call to talk about whether coaching might be a good fit. I'm totally against pressure-y sales pitches, I'll only share information about coaching if you are truly interested in it. You will leave with at least one thing that will help you in your journey, one tangible thing you can do right away, maybe more. I tend to come up with lots of resources and lots of ideas and these calls and it's just really fun to meet and talk with people such as yourself.
The link is in the show notes for that if you'd like my help, and just know that I'm rooting for you in your creative projects, in your wellness and in your life. So, have a great week, and I'll see you next time.